Hi there

Hi Tawny,

God, I miss you. It's been over a year now, but I just don't stop missing you. I've decided, I'm not going to let this death thing get in the way of you and me. I'm just going to write to you... and keep on writing.

I've also decided that I want to appoint you as my spirit guide. You're going to be who I consult with on such matters that require spirit wisdom.Guide me well Tawnster.

Anyways, right now I'm remembering Christmas, 2011. You were so helpful. I was in a tangle with my emotions -- insecure, vulnerable and in a weird place and you were the person that felt the most comforting and easy to be next to. We rode down to Granny's together (I call it "Tawny's beach" now, btw), and talked about our words for the new year. We were both deciding on ours, and I was telling you about feeling off and weird. Wondering if it had to do with work and all the stories I absorb.You told me about a book on souls and what you had learned from it. It was really helpful and helped me to shake my moodiness and realign, (I really need to find that book and read it), any ways when you were telling me about it, something clicked into place and I knew "soul" as my word for 2012. You later chose "clarity." And right now, as I write that, I wonder if you had a moment of clarity before you died.

There is a certain morbid curiosity I feel toward your death. I want to know what it was like for you. Were you aware of what was happening? Did you know? I hope you weren't scared. For some reason, I don't imagine you so. I imagine you making that face you would make when sliding down the face of a big wave. Eyes closed, half smile, pure connection with the moment. I think you're the kind of person who once feeling or seeing the light,would embrace it. Which kind of bothers me, because I wish you just rejected it completely and stayed here, but that is not the case, is it? So I do like to imagine you as embracing and feeling warmth, no fear, and love. Lots and lots and lots of love.

Anyways, after I chose "soul" as my word, I made a blog with the same title, which just so happens to be exact blog, but I've deleted the posts and changed the title. I thought you might like the connection.

Btw, this year my word was you. "Tawny." I'll explain it more later, in another letter.

I love you.

xo, me